…They've Invaded!
by joebthegreat
Summary: well... the Russians have invaded... this is the story of epic distortions... and many fake soldiers... how will they cope... without TV... actually its still nothing like that... just read it!
1. New York's Demise

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 1: New York's Demise**

Disclaimer: I don't own crap here… but I do own how happy I am to have seen a Freedom Fighters section… but I don't own McDonalds and that was my whole purpose of living…

Reviews:

NOTHING YET!…

Of course… this is following the Freedom fighters plot… not really… this is following… well… what would happen in the weirdest and worst of all situations… for the Russians… AND the Americans… they would fight… but both sides are downright incompetent…

Many of these freaky things will be based on multiplayer matches me and my friends have had… others will be based on my sick twisted mind… others will be based on…

(shut the bodunkle up and get on with it!)

Oh fine… just know that I love this game…

…and TECHNO!

* * *

(Somewhere… deep under the water… oh fine… in a USSR submarine at Pearl Harbor)

"Dude… IM IN A BOAT!" the Russian Navigator yelled as he started to dance.

"IT'S NOT A BOAT YOU MORON!… AND WHAT ARE WE DOING IN PEARL HARBOR! WE SHOULD BE IN MANHATTAN!" General Tatarin yelled in German.

"AND WHY AM I SPEAKING GERMAN! AND WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH! AND WHAT'S THAT JAPANESE DUDE DOING HERE!" he yelled pointing at a samurai dancing on the ceiling.

"Oh… well he came with the boat… and I came with your sister…" Tatarin's sister walked over and waived before spontaneously combusting and melting.

"NO!… SISTER!… AND WE NEED TO GET TO NEW YORK!"

As the two stared at each other in silence… the Navigator with love… the general with hate… the crew came in along with a clown.

"HEE HAW!" the clown yelled before popping and getting eaten by the crew.

"WHERE DID YOU FREAKS COME FROM!… AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL TRIP! AND HOW DID WE GET IN FREAKING PEARL HARBOR!"

The crew just laughed a stereotypical… Russian… crowd… laugh… and started dining on fried navigator.

"YOU GUYS JUST ATE OUR ONLY HOPE OF GETTING TO NEW YORK!"

"Of of the men just laughed and said something in Russian which is apparently the only language that Tatarin cant translate.

"DAMNIT!… OK… I'll calm down… someone get us to New York…"

With this General Bulba walked out of the closet with the only news lady in all of Russian history… and poked a red button that read "NEW YORK" then they went back into the closet.

"OKAY… A. WHY DIDN'T WE PRESS THAT BUTTON TO START WITH… B. WHAT ARE CLOSETS DOING ON THIS SHIP… AND C. WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU PEOPLE COMING FROM!"

With that 50 more men walked on deck… saluted… and then ripped each others heads off and mixed them around and then reattached them… looking the same as when they had started.

"Well… now we know that all Russians look alike…"

Everyone gave a hearty laugh as they heard a loud bang noise… they had reached New York… and they had crashed into the other subs…

(Somewhere… you don't know where yet though… in a car… on a bridge… actually I don't know where yet either… because I don't really pay attention when I'm picking up DUI's… oh well…)

"DUDE… I TOTALLY WANT TO DRIVE THIS THING OFF THE BRIDGE!… SEE HOW FAR WE CAN GO!…" Troy yelled over the music in his mind as Chris held his ears in pain.

"SHUTUP!… and we cant kill ourselves yet… we're in the middle of being humans…"

"COOL!… WHATS A HUMAN?"

"Whatever… dude lets just get this next house…"

"ALRIGHT!… ITS ON THE WEST SIDE YO!… AND THE CHICK IS HOT!… HOW THE CRUD DID WE GET HERE SO FAST?" Troy asked as they were suddenly at the door even though one second ago they had been on a bridge.

They knocked on the door… no one answered… so they walked in… no one screamed… they looked at each other and grinned.

"FREE STUFF!" Chris yelled.

"PLUMBING!" Troy yelled.

After getting a quick slap to the back of the head from an annoyed Chris, Troy fell to the ground in a bloody haze.

Chris ran through the house in a frilly pink dress he had found in the girls apartment… he had a flashback…

"_WHEE" some weird girl screamed as she then walked up to Chris._

"_My name is Isabella and you look stoned" she said before falling over with a tranquilizer dart stuck in the back of her head… followed by two creepy looking men dragging her behind a bush as moans and grunts were heard Chris ran away._

"Now… Now it all makes since… this frilly pink dress was worn by that freaky girl… YAY!"

With this Chris took a big rock he found on the bed and threw it outside in glee… suddenly a scream was heard as a helicopter flew level to the window… showing a terrified man in the back with a dead man driving and a rock on his lap with blood flowing everywhere.

"NOO! WHY!… I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE OVEN!" with this the man jumped out of the helicopter and ran back to Russia where he turned off the oven… and was later shot for eating his mom.

"WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" a random guy screamed as explosions and death rained on the population below… without hitting anyone… in fact the Russians took special care to only hit cars… cars that no one was standing by…

Tatarin broke through the door laughing… and drunk.

"DUDE… I BROKE THE DOOR!… I feel trippy…"

With that he picked up Troy and slapped him.

"WHERE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!… I WANT YOUR GIRLFRIEND!… DOES YOUR GIRLFRIEND EVEN LIVE HERE?… ooh… TAKE HIM TO THE CHAMBERS!"

With that the men yelled something in Russian and carried him off.

"I'M LEAVING TO FIND A PANDA BEAR!" Tatarin yelled stumbling off…

Chris decided that it would be best to leave… so he walked out to the hallway where a bunch of people were lined up… none of them at gunpoint.

"SAVE ME CHRIS!" some freakish old guy yelled which for some stupid reason didn't affect the guard…

Chris got suspicious and started walking towards the guard… but no matter how he turned this guard seemed intent on keeping his gun lowered and his back to the Mario wannabe.

Chris got annoyed and slapped the guard with his wrench and laughed… then looked to the old man.

"Thank you Chris… we need to get out of here… TAKE THIS GUN!"

And Freak-O-Man stopped Chris from picking up the gun the soldier had and gave him a pistol.

"I WANT THE GUN!" Chris yelled as Freak-O-Man just laughed and slapped him.

"Now Now… take the pistol… it will help you learn…" he said as Chris started fighting for the gun.

"NO… I WANT THE GUN!…" and with this… Freak-O-Man stepped back… and shoved the gun in his mouth… then he gagged and fell over dead.

"What the… NO!… MY GUN IS RUINED!"

Suddenly some other old guy ran up to Chris.

"Sorry I'm late… here take this pistol… don't ask me why I have a Russian pistol… lets go…"

And with that Chris trusted this complete stranger and followed him through the door and into the bloody mess below.

(Back with the stupid Russians… TATARIN!… he's a hero to diabetics everywhere…)

Tatarin laughed as he sent more men out to the streets where people had gotten used to nothing but exploding cars.

"HAHA!… Hey wait… where the crud is the American army?"

All of the Russians said random Russian phrases at this as Tatarin started thinking… a first for our hero… hehehe… I mean… villain.

(Somewhere in California)

"SARGE… THE HIPPIES HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF THE STAPLE CENTER… WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?" a man yelled as he and the sergeant lay in a trench suppressed by heavy fire.

"IF WE DON'T GET THAT MARIJUANA SOON!… THE WHOLE ARMY WILL IMPLODE!" the sarge answered before getting blown to little bits by a cow bomb.

"NOOO!" the guy yelled as hippies stumbled forward towards him with a look of rabies in their eyes… then they tore him limb from limb and ate him in a human soup… oh dear.

(Back with the Russian peeps)

Everyone was asleep right there on the street… random cars were still exploding for some stupid reason but they were asleep sucking their thumbs…

* * *

YAY!

Well why do I always SAY THAT!…

Well… why do I always use dot dot dot… - LIKE THAT!… ARG!… STOP IT!…

Oh whatever… grr… GRR… how about I don't say anything that would have a pause after it…

…

Oh wait… CRAP!…

Either way I think that I like my sisters story… but she doesn't write so whatever…

R&R!…

READ AND RIPSTERS believe it or die you piece of crap we seriously will kill you if you don't believe!


	2. We have hair!

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 2: We Have Hair!**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything… and apparently nobody knows that because nobody reads this games stuff… no one even knows what it is?… ARG!… I plan on making everyone know what this game is… whether they like it or not!

Reviews:

2... But neither of them know this game so BLEH!… I will get over it eventually… maybe…

This kind of branches away from the actual plot to make it much longer… maybe… either that or I'll just go lazy and make it like… 10 chapters or something…

GOLD STARS:

Those two people that reviewed… razzkat and Tealfrog… they can have like… 6 whole stars… WOW!

And that freaky girl that reviewed can have 10 gold stars… so feel good kcfassold…

I still love this game… way too much… but it IS pwnage… and I must shame you all for not knowing about it!

TECHNO! (with Psybot on newgrounds)

* * *

(With the U.S.S.A… oh I'm sorry… that's just a little… oh dear… OH NO!… that's just wrong… please forgive me…)

Chris ran to a rise in the ceiling they were on and climbed up it… there he was with the old freak.

"Alright Chris… now you need to shoot the men coming out of this helicopter!"

"Um… would you mind helping me?… and how do you know my name… WHAT? ARG!"

Despite all this noise the soldiers jumped onto the ground and started running around in circles like they had been trained in Russia… sadly… half of them fell off the roof in their glee.

"Not now Chris… there are much more important things at hand!"

Chris just sighed and shot each soldier in the head without even looking.

"HEY!… HOW THE FRICK DID YOU DO THAT?… I WANNA HAVE AUTO AIM!"

Chris looked at his hand with fear… distrusting it… he got scared… so he decided to light the old man on fire with some molotovs he made out of a sleeping dudes beer… he decided to leave one of the molotovs in the guys hands though… and that guy… exploded… oh well…

So either way Chris lit the old tool on fire… and he ran around and screamed for about twelve hours… then realized he wasn't even getting hurt… they looked at each other confused… Chris whipped out his pistol and shot straight up… thanks to auto aim that hit the old man directly in the eye… nothing happened… the bullet just bounced off and then went to Mexico for a party… as the two soiled themselves just for the hell of it they went on.

(With the USR… oh wait… that whole deal again… I AM SO SORRY… and this seriously doesn't express any views I have of politics… and shouldn't that be a disclaimer… screw it YOU ALL S)

General Tatarin was overlooking the chaos from his helicopter that he found in a trash can… his Russian men were doing their run in circles mission to perfection… and they had managed to take control of all back alleyways… although this meant there was no control of the huge streets… they controlled the windows and alleys and crap like that… as Tatarin laughed he coughed out his assistants lung.

"DUDE… I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT!" the assistant yelled as he revealed the huge bandage taking up his entire chest… then the assistant lunged at him… which isn't a good idea in a plane… yes this is a plane now… because what the Russians didn't know about was our secret weapon… THE TRANSFORMERS!

"ARG!… WE ARE IN A WEIRD SHAPE SHIFTER!" Tatarin yelled to his dead partner… we still don't know why he is dead…

"ARG! ARE YOU DEAD… COME ON… I KNOW I'VE BEEN MEAN AT TIMES AND ALL THAT… BUT JUST TELL ME IF YOU'RE DEAD… WHY!"

So with this the Transformer imploded on itself causing world hunger to get even worse.

"OHH… IT'S A TV STATION… CAN I TALK ON IT!" the newscaster yelled jumping out of the Easter Egg floating in the sky and flying miles and miles downward…

(in the news casting room)

"Hello… This is Tatiana Kavinsky here… today U.S.S.R.L.T.F.W.E.E.D.I.S.C.O.O.L or the Russians for short… took over New York… we haven't taken anywhere else in the USA yet… just New York… and as a cool little thing we plan on keeping ONLY New York… this is now Russia's official Play house… Good Bye…"

But right before the camera could cut off it showed some freaky Russian… couldn't tell if it was a girl or a boy… land right on top of this newscaster and completely crush everyone within a 2 inch diameter…needless to say… all of the worlds happiness was destroyed.

(with the USA PEEPS OF… I'll just shut up…)

"Come Chris… we must run wildly through that batch of randomly exploding cars!… HEROICILY!"

With that the two giggled intensely and frolicked through the exploding maze of death and destruction…

"HELP!… PLEASE HELP ME!" Some freak screamed to the two who were having a happy day…

"Oh… help him Chris!"

Chris took out a health pack and slapped the guy in the face with it.

"OW!… hey cool… I feel better for some reason!"

So they broke into the house they were next to for no reason at all… as the people who lived there started to scream they shot them.

"So… why are we doing this again?…" Chris asked as everyone stared at him in anger… then stole some money…

"OH!… YAY! STEALING!" Chris yelled and laughed as they all ran in circles.

"Oh… we should go play pirates or something!" The old man yelled.

"YES!… I KNOW THE PERFECT PLACE!" the skinny freak yelled.

With that they grabbed Chris and shoved him down into the sewers.

(with the USSR… OH… I GOT IT RIGHT!… PWN THAT!)

"New York is ours… It is finished…" some old guy said in a dramatic voice when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell out of the helicopter dead.

"YES!… WE CONTROL EVERYTHING!… well… CLOSE ENOUGH!… LETS PARTY!"

And with that the entire Russian army went to a bar and started partying… but in the middle of this party Isabella Angelina… a captive of the Russian army… simply walked out and went to the sewers… to go on a puking spree…

And Troy… who was also a captive… decided to go to the sewers… because he had planted a tracking devise on Chris and knew that was where he was.

(with the USA)

"HEY!… WHO'S THAT!" the rescued guy, who as it turned out, was named Baggs, yelled.

"ITS ISABELLA!… OUR LEADER!" the old guy, named Mr. Jones, cried.

"ARG!… WHO ARE YOU!" Isabella screamed as they grabbed her and dragged her to the island in the sewers they were playing on.

Then Troy ran up to Chris and slapped him…

"HAHA!… HOW FUN!… AND WE EVEN HAVE A NEW FRIEND!"

With that the Japanese Samurai ran on the ceiling and started dancing in glee… but then slipped and fell from the ceiling splattering into the ground dead.

… silence… they watched the bloody figure twitching…

"HAHA!" they all yelled and then started dancing.

* * *

YAY!

Well… soon… soon we will completely branch into our own little mini story that has nothing to do with the main plot.

And I must say I loved this… it is my favorite story at this moment…

And also I want you to rent/buy it if you haven't yet played it…

R&R… Read and Rant

And rip my hair out if you must…


	3. Saving Private Cormvatte!

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 3: Saving Private Cormvatte**

Disclaimer: Why should I own anything?… DO YOU REALLY THINK SOMEONE WHO OWNS FREEDOM FIGHTERS WOULD BE WASTING HIS TIME WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHEN THERE ARE SEQUELS TO BE MADE!… actually maybe he is… who knows…

Reviews:

Umm… someone liked it… I think… I BARELY GET ANY REVIEWS!…

Well… I suggest you morons bother to play the game… because it pwns… I mean seriously… this should be one of those games with thousands of different stories…

GOLD STARS:

Those of you who reviewed this can have… 9952474 gold stars…

And kcfassold can have twice as much if she would at least bother to review my stuff… oh and I know I'm a freak but hey… AT LEAST TELL ME YOU ARE STILL THERE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE!… I'M A LONELY FREAKY NERD WITH A LIFE!… take pity on the kid who has dreams about wearing glasses… no seriously… how do you have the ability to print these off without bothering to review them…

I will finish this as long as one person reads each chapter… and I will read each chapter before posting… so I WILL finish this…

This will take an alternate twist… to explain how the crap multiplayer is possible with both General Bulba… AND Tatarin… so yea… and Troy boy…

TECHNO! (with Psybot on newgrounds)… or Reel Big Fish…

* * *

"I AM GENERAL BULBA!… I AM A SPY!" General Bulba yelled waking the dead Samurai up and causing him to explode… this explosion is what ended up blasting General Bulba back into the office Tatarin was busy pretending he was a cowboy in.

"WHEE!… KILL THE INDIANS!" Tatarin screamed before slicing his fingers off with a paper shredder.

"SIR… THE PLAN HAS FAILED!" Bulba cried as he remembered all the good times… then got amnesia… so he laughed like a maniac.

General Tatarin walked up to his window and overlooked the little street before him. His men were running perfectly in sync, doing circular motions as they had been trained. And always making sure to have their back on any form of a threat.

(with the USA… or now named… FAPTRYM Freaking Awesome People That Rule Your Mom)

"Either way… General Bulba was NOT a help to us!…" Isabella yelled in anger at Chris.

"HEY!… you aren't supposed to do anything until the camera reaches you again!" Chris said.

"OOH!" Isabella yelled directly in Bags' ear… causing him to fall into the sewer water and get bit by a boat.

"Chris… you are… either way… there is a private named Cormvatte… he got captured… go up to the streets… find some weird freaks… rescue him…" Isabella said suddenly with a serious tone, then got back to gnawing her leg off.

With this Chris ran up to the street. Troy had said something about going to the hospital and asking them to give his brain back… and they were off…

Troy forgot the cheese (or so he says) so Chris had to go alone… also his armed escort decided cheese was more important so now he was without anything…

(With the U.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.R.)

"Well… we found this guy laying on the street… he obviously isn't a private seeing as how the U.S.A. is currently at war with the insane rabies infected hippies and left this entire side open… SO LETS TORTURE HIM FOR INTELIGENCE HE MUST NOT HAVE!" Tatarin screamed realizing he had a brain… then decided to leave with the 50 soldier guard protecting this utterly useless man.

"(insert weird Russian phrase here)" one guard yelled.

All of the guards then broke into a synchronized dance involving the area of a circle and pi r squared.

(on the streets of New Manhattan… with Chris…)

"Nisterdwanky!" Chris screamed at the top of his lungs right when he reached the surface. This scream did not attract the attention of the guards standing at attention in the opposite direction. Neither did the five soldiers all huddled up by the sewer.

No one bothered to look over… then they all fell over, asleep. So Chris decided to walk over to the freedom fighters that wouldn't stop yelling out crap like "If you need someone I'll follow"

Chris got two of the seven that were screaming to join, but when he went to get a third he stopped screaming about loyalty and said, "I'm the splat to your splutter so no!"

As everyone looked around in confusion the five that hadn't been recruited suddenly exploded. Chris decided it was time to attack, but his soldiers thought differently.

(With the Rus)

"YAY!" Tatarin screamed.

"YAY!" Bulba screamed.

"(Russian)" a soldier screamed.

"WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND THEIR LANGUAGE?" Tatarin screamed.

"It's because we are actually Germans and they are actually Russians and that makes for a great sitcom!" Bulba semi-screamed.

"(Russian)" a soldier screamed.

"GUYS STOP SCREAMING!… and weren't you gonna leave or something?" Cormvatte asked in confusion.

With this everyone left with a feeling of disappointment leaving an untied Cormvatte all to himself.

"Hmm… how am I gonna get out of this one?" Cormvatte wondered aloud, because he had no clue how to wonder silently.

(With the USSSSSSSSSA)

They ran in and shot at everything that moved… only Russians seemed to get hurt by this though. Next they bombed tons of houses, no civilians seemed to be affected by these blasts. Finally they stormed the random apartment Cormvatte was in not knowing why they knew where he was being held.

(flashishbackish)

"_COOL! It's a letter from Russian Germans!" Baggs screamed._

_Isabella stole it and opened it._

_Dear Freedom Fighters,_

_It has come to my attention that you have formed a group in attempt to retake New York. It is my sincere hope that we can have a smashing time battling for ground. I am sending you this letter to let you know we captured an American for no reason except for you to rescue him. A map showing all of our patrol routes and good places to bomb as well as where the American is being held is enclosed as to make this a much harder battle for us. The men are on standby so they will only shoot one or two bullets every ten seconds and basically wait for you to nearly kill them first._

_Good Luck… and may your harvests be sexy._

_Sincerely,_

_General Tatarin_

"_WOW!" Chris screamed._

"_WOA!" Troy screamed._

(end flashishbackish)

So now they ran up the stairs and shot Cormvatte 18 times just to prove if he was a man or not. When they learned he was a girl they screamed in horror and threw him out the window.

"Well… that was fun… thanks for being so synchronized that we didn't need to explain what each individual did!" Chris said with pride.

"YA" the first freedom fighter said.

"Y" the second one said before hugging in a bright light that started taking them through the ceiling, but half way there they got stuck and ripped in half and screamed a horrific agonizing death.

"Haha! They're so cute!" Chris yelled and ran off.

(with the USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSR)

"The plan is working…" Tatarin said staring out of his quickly made window that had cost him 1,800 soldiers to build.

"Yes master… ish" Bulba said and then fell over crying…

"WIGLEAB" they both screamed as a Russian Nuke that had been used as a toothbrush in Stalingrad suddenly exploded destroying the city as we knew it. (Stalingrad not New York)

* * *

YAY!

Well I've been busy… and I've had bad internet… but now this is FINALLY up…

I got a 3.904 last term…

I'm going for the 4.0 this term…

Two terms ago I got a 0.7

So that is what I like to call improvement…!

And the claymation has finally been going at any form of what you can call speed… (the drug)

And all that is good so good bye!

R&LAS… Read and Last A Summer


	4. Flag Time!

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 3: Flag Time!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all ever unless I start screaming about it…

Reviews:

Yeah yeah check your emails for the wonderful CRAP!

GOLD STARS:

Those of you with hair can have 5

Those of you who are bald can have 10

And that is about it…

I will finish this as long as babies are being made in Mexico…

SEX IS NOT GONNA BE IN THIS STORY!

(why would anyone think that when its in humor for T…)

(why would I think anyone would think that…)

(oh yeah… its that weird boob popping fetish that seems to be sweeping America!)

Reel Big Fish… Woo…

* * *

"**I'VE** GOT it…" Isabella said starting with cheer but suddenly turning sad and gothic and then went into a corner to start slitting her wrists. 

"Umm… well it's obvious… Chris should go up to ground level and find the nearest flag pole and raise an American flag!" Baggs said.

"Umm… OK!… But if anyone asks, it was my idea!" Isabella said happily as the crimson red blood flowed freely like a river down her cold desperate face looking as if in need for love…

"YOU LOOK UGLY!" Chris yelled pointing directly at Isabella.

"OH! HOW DARE YOU! WHY?" Isabella asked and ran to the garden she had been starting in the middle of their weird sewer island.

So Chris and Troy decided to go to the… place they went to… so they could go up a manhole and start having fun (no not that way! The perverted way!). They were disappointed when no men showed up so they decided to get on with the mission.

(With the USTD United Stupid Transsexual Donation)

Tatarin sat looking outside his window, lost deep in thought. "Why is it that we must constantly change our name to something stupid as to give whoever writes our story a hard time?" he said while looking at random objects dramatically.

"What was that sir?" General Bulba asked.

"Why is it that we must have the same bedroom?" Tatarin screamed as he finally figured out why General Bulba was constantly with him.

"umm… sir?" General Bulba asked again… there was a parasite in his ear, and no matter how he tried he could not hear. This rime would later save the universe. No one knew the forces that were at work. No one except Sue, Mary Sue. She was the last survivor of her neighborhood and knew of the ancient mystical spell of the Kazzjaff. Her master sensei of obsessed-with-anime…ese had died in the rush of Germans faking to be Russians. Now she… oh never mind… she just had a heart attack… she died… I TOLD HER NOT TO EAT THE BACON BUT NO!…

"ARE YOU DEAF?" Tatarin asked the soldier outside of the window… about 67 stories beneath him.

"Umm… not anymore sir!" General Bulba said with a false sense of duty.

"Shut up… I wasn't even talking to you!" Tatarin yelled and suddenly fell asleep due to his AIDS problem.

"HAHA! NOW THAT HE'S ASLEEP I CAN TICKLE MY HAIR!" Bulba screamed and fell to the floor laughing with glee.

(With the Thongans a.k.a. Americans)

"Ok… you run up and attack… you stay here… and you two follow me!" Chris said pointing to a group of random people who looked oddly like the Taliban.

"DUDE!… JUST BECAUSE WE ARE MOSLEMS DOESN'T MEAN WE FIGHT!" they cried in perfect harmony with each other and ran off. Just then two American looking people walked up.

"Yo man… We were planning on robbing a bank! Wanna join?" The white one said (yes one is white and one is black… the color coding makes this easy!).

"Will there be a flag pole?" Chris asked with the look of ickyness in his eyes.

"Umm… yeah… sure…" the white one said again, and we later learn that the black one doesn't like to talk to idiots… so he will forever remain silent.

"CHARGE!" Chris yelled and the two soldiers, without thinking, ran across the street towards the bank as they shot at the Russians. Chris sat back watching in pleasure?… eww… Chris watched as the white guy shot point blank at a Russian and missed… then the Russian turned around and noticed someone was there… he held his gun out and nervously wandered if he should kill the white dude. The white dude had his gun aimed at the Russian. They did not know what to do. Suddenly the Russian shot the white dude.

"ow" the white dude said and then mowed the Russian down with all five of his ammo clips… then just ran in circles.

The black guy walked though with his gun and started killing people… no one had the time to carefully aim at him point blank so he survived.

"GOOD JOB MEN!" Chris said as he ran in and took all the glory, then started raising the flag… suddenly 72 soldiers charged in with their rifles and started shooting like there was a tomorrow.

"ARG!" the white man yelled as he fell over after deciding not to even try.

"…" the black man tried to yell before he realized he couldn't talk when Chris was around, so he looked down sad and forgot that he was being mowed down by Russian soldiers.

"ow… ow… ow" Chris kept repeating as the pain continued from bullets in his leg… but then he got the flag raised.

All the shooting stopped…

"Umm… what should we do?" one random Russian said in German.

"Umm… he raised the flag… so… WE LOSE!" the other Russian said in German and then decided to order all his men to retreat to the places they cared about, strangely they all went to Japan… but who cares?

"YAY!… I WON!" Chris yelled as he looked down at the two dead guys who only wanted to rob a bank… tears filled his eyes, making it so he could not see. So he fell over and then cried, so the tears left his eye, and he could se again.

"Good job bro!" Troy yelled as he ran in.

"WHERE WERE YOU?" Chris screamed in pain and agony.

They later decided not to care and went back to the sewers for another party.

(With the CNN, a.k.a. the USSR)

"We lose another street… and I wonder if life is meant to be so fun…" Tatarin said in a vain attempt to make his humanities class think he is deep.

"WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE!" Tatarin's humanities class yelled in perfect harmony… like a butterfly… flying through the wind… fly butterfly… fly… as a time forgotten lives…

"Umm… never mind…" Tatarin yelled and shot everyone in his room… including the Russians… but they were allies so they didn't feel a thing!

* * *

YAY! 

Well there was my deep deep thoughts…

Thinking… mans best friend…

As we wonder if the war shall ever end.

And we never give time to what is best…

I must cry at how fun it is to molest.

Ok then… someone shoot this moron… he keeps trying to think… which is dangerous to the nations security!… AHH!


	5. Take That Bunker!

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 5: TAKE THAT BUNKER!**

Disclaimer: I don't own fan fiction… yet… (also note… this makes more sense if you've played the game on multiplayer mode… maybe if you've seen Star Wars you'll get it better too… and don't be too offended by anything… also, don't expect it to be logical…)

Reviews:

I wish I got reviews for this story!

GOLD STARS:

Those of you with computers can have 24

Those of you without computers can have 5789 (for finding a way to get here anyway)

And I love you guys… in a non gay non friendly relationship

I will finish this as long as you promise not to touch me in appropriate ways…

THIS WILL NOT CONTAIN ANY ANTI IRAQ WAR STUFF BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO DO THAT!

(why do you people insist…)

(why do I say you insist when no one has done anything like that yet…)

Dude… I ate someone once… and he was like "DUDE THAT HURTS!"… heh… what a moron!

REEL BIG FISH?…

* * *

"FREEDOM!" Isabella screamed as Chris walked/swam/drove back to the underground hideout. 

With that, Bags, Chris, and Troy headed up to Greenwich Village to buy some pizza… and maybe take 4 randomly placed bunkers while they were at it.

(with the U.S.N.R.P.T.F.W.T.T./United Stupid Nerds Republic of Picking Tomato Fungi With Their Toes… or Russians for short)

"I will go and kill some people now!" General Bulba said and walked out his apartment into Greenwich Village. The complete insignificance of this little square of land baffled him.

"The insignificance of this little square of land baffles me!" General Grievous said before leaving the Freedom Fighters Universe and going back to his little fan boy section of people who conveniently ignore the fact that he lost his very first Jedi battle… actually, he got pwnd…

(on the battlefield…)

With this Chris, Bags, and Troy all ran to three separate bunkers (the one by the underground entrance, the one on the side by the rocket launcher, and the one with absolutely no landmarks save three army truck things…). General Bulba ran to the last remaining bunker. Then Bags went to go get the pizza.

(with Chris… in the useless bunker)

"TAKE THAT BUNKER!" Chris yelled pointing at General Bulba's bunker.

"You haven't recruited us yet…" said one of the freedom fighters.

"Oh… Join up!" Chris yelled about 90 times in a row just to get the three people he could recruit. "OK! NOW GET THAT BUNKER!"

With this, all three of Chris' men charged towards the bunker, and got mowed down without a fight.

"Umm… JOIN UP!" Chris yelled again while running around in circles in order to get three more soldiers.

(with that stupid Russian dude… in the heavy machine gun bunker)

"I WANT ALL OF YOU TO GO HIDE SOMEWHERE!" General Bulba said, sadly none of them listened.

"_SOMETHING RUSSIAN_" one of the soldiers said.

"_SOMETHING GERMAN_" another soldier replied.

"JOIN UP!" General Bulba said over and over until he got all eight soldier slots filled up.

"JOIN UP!" General Bulba said to another man. This man started laughing until he got shot in the side of the head and fell over.

(with Troy… the sexy one… in the rocket launcher bunker)

"WOOT! I GOT A SNIPER!" Troy yelled and started sniping away at General Bulba's non-recruited men.

"Don't you want us to do anything?" one of the soldiers asked.

"NO!" Troy yelled and threw a grenade at the soldiers feet. The soldier went flying up into the air, slapped his head into the corner of the bunker, and rolled to where he was leaning on the machine gun, then the grenade exploded. The soldier flew back into the air, slammed into a nearby taxi, and then just lay silently on his back.

"HAHA!" Troy yelled pointing at the soldier.

Just then the soldier got back up, shook his head a little, and ran back into the bunker.

"WHAT?" Troy screamed before realizing he didn't care and then just went back to uselessly sniping all of the Russians, who seemed to be just appearing out of thin air.

(with Bags… the unloved one… at the local pizza hut)

"Yeah… I'd like four extra large pizzas with pepperoni and 'shrooms… yes the kind that will make you high… It's for the resistance" Bags said completely ignoring the seven Russian soldiers in the room… and the ever perky General Tatarin.

"I'd kill you! But I'm off duty right now…" General Tatarin said pointing at Bags with disgust.

"Ok then… I'll ignore you for now too!" Bags said.

Then the two respective morons went their ways.

(with Chris again…)

"Ok… I'm just going to leave you three guys in this bunker, I'll go attack their bunker with my trusty shotgun!" Chris said running off.

"He's gone…" one of Chris' three men said.

"Yeah…" another one said.

"LETS PARTY!" the third one said. With this, they all pulled out molotovs and started throwing them around in the bunker.

(with Bulba… the retarded monkey butt)

The sniping had been going on for a while now… screams could be heard in France, but that was unrelated to the subject. The soldiers in Bulba's bunker started increasing for some reason… even thought they were being sniped as they appeared… the count was now at twenty…

(with Isabella)

"It really is boring here… just telling other people to go attack stuff… but at least I get credit as the leader!" Isabella said.

(with Troy)

"WOW! Even though it's obvious that the mass killing of their non-recruited men just gives them more somehow, I think I'm gonna keep going!" Troy said sniping away.

"Sir, isn't that retarded!" the soldier that had been hit with the grenade earlier asked.

"You know what… go by that taxi I blasted you into earlier…" Troy said. The man ran over to the taxi. Troy shot the taxi in the windshield… causing it to explode… sending the man back into the base after cracking his head into the mounted machine gun. He then got back up.

"How do you do that?" Troy asked.

"I don't know…" the man stated.

"If you're so powerful… why don't you just go beat that bunker all by yourself?" Troy asked.

"I don't know…" the man stated.

"Go do it?" Troy asked.

"I don't know…" the man stated. With this the man charged towards the Russian bunker… got shot in the foot… and fell over, dead.

(with General Tatarin)

Tatarin sat in his apartment looking out on the ruins of New York.

"Why must men be so flesh-like?" He said deeply. Then he forgot and logged onto his computer to chat

with his best friend, General Grievous.

"Hello… I'm more pathetic than you are…" General Grievous said.

"No… I'm the most pathetic general around!" General Tatarin yelled.

"I got beaten in my first Jedi battle against a guy who only uses one light saber when I used four…" General Grievous said.

"I never even got into a battle… I sat in my room talking on my cell phone even as I watched a shady figure kill all my body guards, I did nothing as he sniped me… he even missed and got my hand with the first shot and I didn't do a thing about it…" General Tatarin replied… confident he was a bigger failure of a general.

"I like to read poetry!" General Grievous said.

"I WRITE POETRY!" General Tatarin said with a grin.

"Dang… you are pathetic…" General Grievous said and then logged off.

(with Chris)

Chris charged into Bulba's bunker and shot all eight of his shotgun rounds into the crowed of now 40 soldiers… none of them were injured… they all mowed Chris down.

He then reappeared in his bunker suddenly.

"Woa… trippy…" Chris said and then looked around… everyone in his bunker was lit on fire and running around drunk… or pretending to be drunk.

Then, the 'game' suddenly ended… all the soldiers on fire fell over and screamed as their flesh melted.

(with Bulba)

All the people who got snipped stayed dead… until there were 50 dead bodies inside his base… then General Bulba ran away crying.

(with Troy)

"Ok then…" Troy said and went back to the sewer base thing area.

(With Bags)

"I HAVE THE PIZZA!" Bags said walking up to Chris… they both went back to the base happy… and full… and they were telling stories that I cant repeat for fear of being banned by fanfiction…

(With Isabella)

"I wish I was more useful…" Isabella said with a sigh as Troy, Bags, and Chris returned to the base with the pizza.

"Did you win anything?" Isabella asked.

"Not really… we left without even getting the flag… so we lost…" Chris said.

"But at least we have the pizza!" Bags said.

And with that… everyone laughed… and/or cried… and/or screamed in horror as their liver was eaten by 'accident'

* * *

YAY! 

You should be thankful… I just wrote something for you!

AND IT WASN'T POETRY!

I used this story to kind of blow off some steam from my stupid humanities class… now I'm using it to yell about my stupid poetry section in English… boy I like to complain…

But at least I get a 4.o (gets slapped for telling bad pun…)

And stuff… I have a friend who may start writing a humor in this section… SO I WONT FEEL SO LONELY!

But in the end I'll be lonely anyways and then get slapped for being such a whiney bh…

R&R! Read and Reruns!


	6. An Attempt at an Ultimate Showdown

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 6: An Attempt at an Ultimate Showdown**

Disclaimer: I don't own ugly people… or freedom fighters… or fan fiction… or the lemon demon (who pwns by the way)

Reviews:

Maybe one… eventually…

GOLD STARS:

If you do a back flip then you can have 24...

Woo!

I've been bored lately… newgrounds doesn't have anything good at the moment… neither does TV… and video games are starting to suck… WHY? Oh well… at least I still have fan fiction… and MUSIC (not to be confused with what is shown on MTV or on the average High Schooler's I-Pod…)

REEL BIG FISH! LEMON DEMON! PSYBOT!

* * *

"WE WILL DEFEAT THESE RUSSIAN INVADERS!" Chris screamed. 

"Actually… most of them are German" Troy said in an… actual… way…

"fine… WE WILL DEFEAT THESE PREDOMINATELY EASTERNEUROPEAN ARMY!" Chris screamed again.

"Actually, Germany is slightly west of the center of Europe if you look at a map" Troy said.

"fine… WE WILL DEFEAT THIS FOREIGN ARMY!" Chris yelled.

"now THAT'S politically correct!" Troy said, proud of his brother.

"YAY!" Chris yelled in pleasure, an odd sort of pleasure…

"NO!… IT'S POLITICALLY CORRECT TO GIGGLE FIRST!" Troy yelled.

So Chris giggled, then said "YAY!"

"Enough talking, we need to make an ultimate showdown!" Isabella said as she was in the middle of jamming out to some hardcore Eminem.

"OMG TAHT IZ TEH PWNAGE!11!1oneeleven1!" Chris said screaming.

"How… did… you… pronounce… that…" Isabella said trying to make dramatic pauses, but seeing as how she didn't know anything about drama, she decided to pause after every single word.

"oh well…" Chris said.

Baggs then walked on water in order to get to the island.

"COOL! I'M POPULAR AGAIN!" Baggs said, but then tripped and fell in the water. He died of being too wet.

"Hmm… whatever. I'm gonna go chat on AOL with Tatarin to establish an ultimate showdown thing, so that the people who read our story wont be TOO bored" Isabella said and then went into her bedroom and logged in on her computer.

"Why does she get a bedroom as we all suffer in this nasty sewer system?" Chris yelled.

"Yeah! And why does she get to chat online all day while we go and risk our lives against the foreign people!" Troy yelled.

(With the Russians/Germans/Italians/French/British/Spaniards/Estonians/Sweedish/Fins/Norweigans/Suff)

"WOW! MY ONLINE FRIEND JUST DROPPED BY TO CHAT!" General Tatarin yelled in an orgy.

"Eww! I wish we had separate rooms! Or that you'd die a worthless death and leave me your army!" General Bulba said in a completely non-suspicious voice.

"OK!" Tatarin said and thus began his online chat with Isabella, or as the AIM chat thingy said, Sexyslutgal00.

(in the private chat room)

Sexyslutgal00: sup

MaDgOtH2204: sup (this is General Tatarin, just in case you're retarded)

Sexyslutgal00: r u up for a fite?

MaDgOtH2204: wtf?

Sexyslutgal00: i wanna do a fite!

MaDgOtH2204: r u retarded r somting?

Sexyslutgal00: stfu!

MaDgOtH2204: lol

Sexyslutgal00: rofl

MaDgOtH2204: kk, wear u wanna fite?

Sexyslutgal00: dunno, wear it eZ?

MaDgOtH2204: ive gotz men at fort jay

Sexyslutgal00: c00l!

MaDgOtH2204: 133T!

Sexyslutgal00: omg i'm sooo kewl!

MaDgOtH2204: lol, brb

Sexyslutgal00: yawn…

Sexyslutgal00: im teh bordzorz!

Sexyslutgal00: ello?

Sexyslutgal00: wee!

MaDgOtH2204: sry, gtg

Sexyslutgal00: w8!

MaDgOtH2204: wat?

Sexyslutgal00: wear we fite?

MaDgOtH2204: sry, im busy… c u soon!

Sexyslutgal00: wah!

_**MaDgOtH2204 has logged off at 13:61:61 on 13/32/06**_

Sexyslutgal00: lalala!

(with the resistance movement, as they are no longer Americans… seeing as how Congress passed a law saying anyone who fights against it's enemies is no longer a citizen…)

"HEY ISABELLA! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR HOURS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Troy yelled, expecting the worst… the pony fan club…

"We cant fight, General Tatarin is too busy being a 'leader'… WHY CAN'T I EVER LEAD ANYTHING?" Isabella cried in horrific pain.

"But Isabella! You ARE the leader of this movement! And you have hundreds of freedom fighters willing to die for you! You're one of the most inspirational people in history!" Troy screamed.

"SO?" Isabella said, it was obvious she wasn't going to lose, seeing as she didn't even know what that word meant, seriously…

"Oh screw this! I'm gonna go find other freedom fighters somewhere!" Troy yelled and then ran off.

"WHEE!" Chris yelled, then ran up to the streets, prepared to take a flag.

As Chris walked along, he ran into some gangsta black kid who was spray painting the American flag everywhere. Suddenly, the black kid turned around.

"Hey, psst! You, yeah you! Get over here!" The black kid said.

"No thanks, I dont want any drugs." Chris said in a way symbolic of cheese.

"Dude! You're gonna need some serious explosives to knock out that bridge!" The black kid said.

"Umm, I wasnt even trying to..." Chris began, but the black kid interrupted him.

"Dude, you need some serious C4!" The black kid said starting to walk towards Chris with a weird look in his eye.

"Umm, by 'C4' do you mean 'drugs', cause I really would rather not..." Chris said backing away horrified.

"You know you want to, get some C4 and come back to me! NOW!" The black kid screamed and tried to jump Chris. Chris pulled out his shotgun, and in his horrified state, blasted the black kid's head off. Then Chris blew off all of his arms, legs, and put two holes in his chest.

"Whew, that was a close one!" Chris said, then proceeded to raise a flag over the black kid's dead body.

"I better get home now..." Chris said, but as he walked into his home, it had turned out that the Russians hade made it into a 'bash your head against the wall' party. So Chris decided to go to the sewers, and lament.

"Good job taking that command post!" Isabella said and Baggs' dead body twitched along, agreeing with the leader.

"Umm, that black kid wasn't a command post... but sure! OK!Thanks!" Chris said.

Just then a gunshot was heard, followed by screams, then some crying, then Chris turned around, and he saw it, his eyes went wide in horror.

* * *

YAY! 

I've decided I'm cool… and all cool people put cliffhangers!

I know you were bored with this… but hey! This chapter was just to show how utterly pointless AIM is with modern internet chatting skills…

I promise to do better next time!

Or do I?

Its not like anyone ever reads this anyway...


	7. Taking Back New York

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 7: Taking Back New York**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned unless it relates to the Kazzjaff… or something like that…

Reviews:

I got one person who reviewed all 6 chapters in one night… so now I'm like… uber high in reviews and stuff…

GOLD STARS:

If you do a back flip then you can have 24...

If you accept the ways of the Kazzjaff then you can have 25...

If you admit I'm better than you then you only get 15 cause you're a wimp…

YAY!

My friend got an I-pod… that turns me on… not in that way… the good way… wait… IS there a good way? Either way I'm happy, and that's all you should care about!

REEL BIG FISH! ICP! Umm… newgrounds sucks at the moment… but oh well… OLD SCHOOL NEWGROUNDS!

* * *

_LAST TIME ON: "They've Invaded!"_

_Screams, something, eyes went wide in horror or something along those lines…_

_NOW! FOR THE NEXT EPISODE!_

Chris relaxed when he noticed it was just an entire family getting horribly mauled by a sewer monster… he then got back to more… pressing… matters.

"Has anyone seen my bacon?" Chris said walking in circles along the tiny island thing.

No one was there to respond… Baggs' body was still laying there… providing a cozy home for the mice, Troy had left to "find other freedom movements" but Chris knew that only meant "star in a movie and make millions"… he sure hoped Troy was doing a good job in the movie business, and Isabella had locked herself in her bedroom and refused to come out… she said something about how nobody loved her anymore…

So Chris got bored, and, as all bored people do, he decided to go kill Russians!

Chris climbed out of the sewers in search of a big, important looking building to attack, he immediately found one… a High School, that was still in session even!

(With the Russians/Japanese/Chinese/Iranians/Afghans/Iraqis/Mexicans/Cubans/Hawians/Veitnamese/Ew)

"I sure love this website!" Tatarin said in a glorious manor.

"I'm just so sick of it! Why wont you leave me alone!" Bulba cried in horror as he was being forced to stay awake for 74 hours so he could watch his fellow General play video games and watch… umm… pony videos…

"Listen to the pony! Accept the pony! Protect the pony! KILL ALL OF THE PONY'S ENEMIES!" The children's show was depicting a red pony going against capitalist monkeys. It showed all capitalists as people who enjoy flinging poo… meanwhile the cute little pony went and got an army of cute little teddy bears and massacred the monkeys, drinking their blood afterwards and saying "YAY! RED TASTES GOOD!"

Tatarin was proud in the spread of the wonders of communism… he loved this show…

"MAKE IT STOP!" Bulba screamed in pain.

Just then a Russo-Prusso-Franko-Japanese Brit ran into the room with a piece of paper glued to his mom.

"SIR! THE HIGH SCHOOL IS UNDER ATTACK! WHAT SHOULD WE DO!" The solder said, sounding horrified.

"Lets watch more of this pony show!" Tatarin said, and as everyone nodded in agreement loving this show, Bulba snuck out the door to find Chris and ask him to let him stay with the Americans instead of the creepy General Tatarin. He was tired of Tatarin's late night baby raids. He was tired of the stench of blood after Tatarin had cut himself in places inappropriate.

(With the intolerant people who are just scared of change and wont accept the wonders of communism)

(I have just realized that I will be shot unless I state that I am not a communist… and I don't believe in it… but you're going to take this the wrong way and I'm going to be beaten by both sides and die alone because I wrote this story… thanks a lot you meanie!)

"WHEEE!" Chris said laughing his head off and butchering every single kid in the High School. "I've destroyed the communist threat to this school! Now I just need to raise this flag…"

Just as Chris was going to raise the flag, General Bulba came running from the nothingness that was 'outside of game boundaries' to talk to him.

"Hey! Chris! I've got something to…" Bulba started…

"AH! IT'S YOU!" Chris screamed, pulling his shotgun out and firing wildly. Strangely, he missed every bullet and killed some hippies in the background.

"We're saved! Now we can retake America!" some sergeant yelled and went with his squad onward to defeat the hippy menace that had almost captured all of the country.

"Whatever… just… will you let me…" Bulba started again…

"AHH! YOU'RE STILL HERE!" Chris screamed and fired even more wildly. He once again missed, and instead killed a mother and her 17.6 children…

"HEE-HAW!" a clown screamed before popping and jamming Chris' shotgun with his remains.

"NOO! THEY BEAT ME!" Chris said. He then started to gnaw off his leg, thinking that the answer to all of his problems was somewhere inside that tender, juicy meat.

"I JUST WANT TO JOIN YOUR FREEDOM THINGY MOVEMENT! AND MOVE AWAY FROM TATARIN!" Bulba said exasperated in an exasperating way… it was very exasperate and stuff…

"AHH! HE'S TALKING TO ME!" Chris yelled and started flailing his hands around wildly. "GO AWAY!"

So they peacefully resolved this argument over some tea and biscuits.

(With the Army, at Fort Jay, trying to defeat the hippy threat)

"SIR!" a young man in his seventies started. "We've got MRIs and PCUs going down the MLGED at TEDR time with a SMUE and a RRED!"

"What the hell did you just say?" the sergeant replied with a look of absolute confusion on his face.

"Umm… I'm not quite sure…" the soldier replied.

Just then, hundreds upon thousands upon millions upon billions upon trillions of cells charged into the room, these cells composed hippies… not too many hippies though… only two.

"WE WILL WI…" they started… but got blown away into non-existence by an AARP-23SKOO, the new weapon that the soldiers carried, it was the size of a cell phone, but shot tank bullets at a rate of 7,000 a minute. We will ignore your physics class for now and accept this as the truth.

(Back with the Russians/Africans/Southern Americans/Europeans/Fan boys)

"WHEE! KILLING PEOPLE THAT DON'T ACCEPT MY VIEWS IS FUN!" The pony said with delight as it tore the heart out of yet another monkey victim.

Everyone in the room giggled with delight at this statement.

(With the people who are fighting… or something along those lines…)

"Lets kill Tatarin!" Bulba said in a matter-o-faculty-o-nastymun-o-chapas voice.

"I'm the leader!" Isabella said screaming and pointing at herself, she then started to cry, and cut herself, and take drugs, the voices just wouldn't leave though… no matter how hard she tried. But then she suddenly got serious. "Lets kill Tatarin."

"I wanna go!" Chris said raising his hand in delight.

"Shouldn't Bulba go… I mean… he IS the one who is still a General in the foreign army!" a monkey said before getting its heart ripped out by an insanely cute red pony.

"No… I'm tired… I'm going to bed… Chris, good luck" Bulba said and fell over right on the spot.

"YAY!" Isabella said and ran into her room in order to cause even more bodily harm… and stuff…

So Chris walked into Tatarin's apartment with a gun.

"I've been expecting you…" Tatarin said with a grin… the ultimate showdown was here…

Tatarin had a heart attack and fell over and died.

"Well, that was easy" Chris said and started leaving. Just then, a helicopter showed up. This was it, Chris would either escape with his life… or something that wasn't escaping with his life…

Just then the pilot of the helicopter fell asleep and crashed into a building. Chris went home…

* * *

YAY!

Well, that was fun… and my mom read some of this… and got pissed off about the communist part… she thinks I'm like… an anti-American or something equally French…

Ok then…

I can only say I hate almost everyone ever… and this summer you shall all feel my wrath!

R&R! Read and Rob me of my dignity!


	8. Not Again!

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 8: Not Again!**

Disclaimer: I don't even own a computer! What makes you think I own a story's plot? Oh wait… I DO own a computer? PROVE IT!

Reviews:

I have a good amount suddenly… oh well…

GOLD STARS:

Can I have some? (no)

PLEASE? (no)

WAH! (no)

If you laughed at the above conversation then -7

If you laughed whilst watching Fruits Basket then -20

If you are related to me then -7689

If you are me then wtf is wrong with you and I hope you die!

YAY!

I am happy… so you should be happy too…

ICP!

* * *

As Chris was doing whatever he does to get back down to his sewer island that he plays pirates on, he heard a laugh.

"Ha! Remember me Chris?" the voice said.

"umm… this isn't about that bill I didn't pay for the DirecTV is it?" Chris asked.

"Umm… sure why not…" the voice said.

"I'm sorry! I was gonna send it! I lost it and then got caught up in a guerrilla style war! I didn't mean it!" Chris said, crying.

"OK OK! SHUT UP! It's Bulba, I'm here to destroy the Freedom Fighters and re-establish Russian control!"

"Then why did you want me to kill Tatarin?" Chris asked as a sudden stroke of genius came over him… followed by an actual stroke, he fell over in pain.

"Cause that freak creeps me out! I mean… Oh my gosh… he was just sitting there munching on a dead Russian and I was like… 'YOU'RE EATING HIM!' and he just ignored me and muttered something about how Russians make for good popcorn and I was like 'EW!'" Bulba said in a mix between horror and teenage.

"Wow… well… yeah…" Chris said in his usual, tolerant manner.

"Oh… and… umm… while I was taking the sewers over… umm… Troy died… and… Isabella went off drunk with some Russian guys… and… well… yeah… you're alone now…"

With this, Chris cried, he realized that he had killed and/or helped kill every single person who was going to help him with this part of the storyline… and now he had to find a plot hole in the actual game to figure out how to make this work… it wasn't looking good.

(With the Russians)

Umm… Russian stuff…

(Back with Chris)

He was on the island now… he remembered all those years of sitting there, playing butt-pirates with the local child molester. Now it was a ruin of an American Resistance Movement… oh the pain… oh the horror!

Just then hundreds of Russian soldiers charged the island… they all tripped and drowned in the river. This created a bridge for him to use across the water and into other parts of the sewer that he loved.

As he explored the tubes that so closely resembled a pregnant llama on mid-summer's eve being devoured by lice, he ran into a Russo-Whatever soldier… the shot his hand off, then his hip, then his eyes, then his feet, then threw a grenade at him…

Another Russo-Blah soldier saw this brutal torture and shot a bullet right through Chris's heart. Chris collapsed to the ground, flashbacks of a stupider time came to his mind.

"No, not like this" he said as he stumbled up and slapped himself with a med-pack, he was suddenly better.

"BLAH!" Chris yelled as he shot wildly at everything in the sewers. Thanks to auto-aim, every Russo-Something died in a head shot.

"You can't win Chris!" Bulba said, he knew that there was no way Chris would be able to take on the whole Russian army, he didn't realize that half of his army was busy getting drunk at the local IHOP, and another third was busy wondering how someone would get drunk at IHOP.

Chris shot stuff until he ran into an American, he then shot that too. Eventually, Chris reached a train track. Chris was logical, so he did what any logical person would do. He laid at that track rolling around and giggling. Then a train came and ran him over.

Chris was dieing, memories of tootsie rolls and lard came to his mind.

"Not… like… this…" he said and slapped himself with another med-pack. He was all better… again…

He then walked down to some room with a computer and a bunch of pizza. He didn't know what this room was, so he lit it on fire and left. This fire later spread to a high school and a news station… everyone everywhere near those things died.

"WOW! I'm alive!" Chris said with a hint of sadness/satisfaction/sophistication/superness/sombreros in his words.

Chris stumbled up to the news station. A tank confronted him, but the gun backfired and killed everyone inside, which included the entire Mexican race.

"Wow, these Soviets are committing genocide!" Chris said in anger, or love… we don't know which…

He then walked up to the Communist Flag and raised a Soviet one instead. Then, realizing his mistake, he lowered the Soviet Flag and raised an American Flag which he found in a conveniently located dog. The dog died of a heart attack during his surgery… I blame Chris.

Suddenly, a feeling overcame Chris, he wanted to risk his life while saying something inspiring… so he climbed the flag pole and dangled himself over a cliff at the same time… then he muttered something about rights as thousands of hippies sat there cheering. Just then the Army came and pushed all the hippies off of the cliff, thus winning the war.

"We won!" some sergeant said.

Just then Chris fell off of the flagpole and broke his neck… thoughts of ruby's Tuesdays came to his mind…

"not… like… this…" Chris said and ate a med-pack whole… he choked… but then got better due to the wonders of modern science…

"You… we will join you against the Russians/Germans/French/British/Whatevers now!" The whole army said at once, breaking the eardrums of everyone inside of it.

"OK!" Chris said happily.

"WHAT?" The whole army screamed at once… this caused a massive sound wave that killed the whole army.

"Ah crap… I might as well find Isabella now…" Chris said as he took his pet monkey and walked into the sunset… the intense heat killed Chris's monkey and badly injured Chris.

"Not… like… this…" Chris said and farted on a med-pack. He was healed by the powers of religion.

* * *

YAY!

Ok… not my best… but it helps me march this story forward…

We are at the last part of the story…

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS THAT AREN'T DEAD YET?

Yeah… this is a horrible story…

R&EESDR… Read and Eat Edible Socks During Rain!


	9. Dramatic End

**They've Invaded!**

**Chapter 9: Dramatic End**

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing… not one… ok… maybe I own… like… umm… I seriously don't think I own any of this… other than half of the plot… and maybe two or three characters... MAYBE!

Reviews: hmm… I feel this category is intensely unloved…

GOLD STARS:

You can't have any… I'm keeping them…

This is one of those awkward moments where you want to stab me for ripping you off… and yet you're too freaked out by my ugly face to kill me isn't it?

YAY!

I love spring break… I always love breaks… but especially this one!

ICP! (Lets go all the way!)

* * *

Chris now had the support of the full United States Army to back him up. The problem was that the war with the hippies had reduced the army to one small sailing boat, a rocket launcher, and seventeen soldiers.

"We will kill all the Russians now… oh, and find Isabella too…" Chris said.

"WE WON'T FOLLOW YOU!" The soldiers cried in perfect unison, then they died.

"Oh well…" Chris said and bashed his head into the nearby wall in order to look dramatic. The problem was that this only gave him a concussion without making him look any bit dramatic. He fell over, knocked out cold.

(With the yourked police, as Bulba had conveniently changed their name)

"WE WILL ALL SIT ON THIS LITTLE ISLAND AND NOT SHOOT UNTIL THE ENEMY SHOOTS FIRST!" Bulba said as Tatarin's spirit had taken control of him. With this new spirit in control, he soon started taking bites out of random soldiers that were sitting next to him. Yeah… they were on an island at an apartment building for no apparent reason.

"But sir! What will we do with your mom!" A British soldier asked in a mixture of lust and hemorrhoids.

"Oh, she's old, no one cares what happens to her…" Bulba said like the professional happy person he was.

"YAY!" The Brit said as hundreds of other Brits ran into the room and started munching on Bulba's mother, who was screaming in horror and agony the whole time.

"WHO DID MY PILLOW!" Bulba suddenly screamed as someone had, in fact, fluffed his pillows without his permission. He then shot all the Brits in the room, then the remnants of his dead mother. Bulba left the room after putting all of the blame on George W. Bush, who was immediately impeached for not knowing what the word impeach means.

(Back with the last American that owns a gun)

"I'm so lonely…" Chris said. But Chris, like the sneaky person he was, was lying. Chris was actually having the time of his life. The fifty voices in his head was a real benefit for moments like this, where every single other important character was dead.

So Chris got in the little sailing boat, tried to set sail, failed miserably, and then decided to just walk to the island, something made possible by the invention of bridges! Sadly, Chris didn't know what a bridge was, so he was wandering the streets asking random bums on the street what the word 'bridge' meant. The bums were the people that failed school though, so they couldn't help him with this growing problem.

(With the French people)

"I'm sick of being gay" one guy said.

"OK, from now on… all French people are EMO!" another guy said.

"YAY!" one said.

"YAY!" the other said.

(With the American dude)

"Excuse me… do you know where the leaning bridge of Pizza is?" Chris asked another random bum.

"Right here!" them bum said pointing downwards. Chris was embarrassed. Then Chris went on a binging spree and lost ninety-seven pounds, a milk carton, a herd of ponies, telephone, his little sister that he had forgotten about for years, and his toes.

"HOW DARE YOU EAT ME LIKE THAT!" Chris's sister yelled and combined the ninety-seven pounds, milk carton, ponies, telephone, and toes to create a modern army of fat toes riding armored ponies with spears. She then created her own country and somehow defeated all of the Russian AND American armies in a big battle, all that was left was the bathroom where Chris was puking, and the island where Bulba was busy doing… a piece of paper.

Chris charged the fort where all the Russians were, managed to sneak past the whole foreign army, then found Bulba.

"Where's Isabella!" Chris said with a lack of enthusiasm.

"I wont tell you until you learn how to scream more convincingly!" Bulba said in a Broadway style voice that made everyone who was in a twelve mile radius clap until their hands got bloody and fell off, screams could be heard for hours.

"I ASKED YOU WHERE ISABELLA WAS!" Chris said in a scholarly manner so that we would know what Chris had done.

"I know what you asked me!" Bulba replied.

"Good, I thought you had forgotten…" Chris screamed in a convincing way.

"Good job! Isabella is in the garbage can as usual, I'm leaving now!" Bulba said and got on a ship to Moscow. Sadly, Moscow is inland and the ship couldn't make it all the way. So Bulba died.

"Wow…" Chris said and walked over to the only garbage can in the fort. Sadly, the Russians had soldiers there to protect this precious commodity, so everyone was alerted to Chris being on the island.

Everything was set up to be a dramatic ending. Isabella then popped her head out of the garbage can and started screaming in an anime style.

"Why do you have to follow me everywhere! I'm the leader of the rebellion! Stop trying to take that away from me!" Isabella screamed and then transformed into a huge monster about 6 inches tall with thousands of 12 inch long tentacles flying around.

"GROAEKEKDLFD KVKJKJ F SFKVJ SDFKV!" Isabella Monster screamed as the entire Russian army screamed and started shooting at it. But they all suck at aiming and killed each other.

This was it. The whole fate of New York depended on Chris defeating this weird blob thing. Actually, screw New York, the fate of the whole free world depended upon Chris defeating this weird blob thing. Chris was thinking of what to do.

Chris immediately jumped to the right to roll out of the way of the weird blob thing, but there was a wall there. Chris slapped into the wall and fell over, knocked out.

"AEJKKRJFFFKVJKSDCSLFVVSKFKS JKKJKV JSKS!" Isabella Monster laughed and headed for Chris's body. The problem was that she was only 6 inches, and she wasn't very good at controlling those tentacle things of hers. So she twitched along trying to reach Chris's body, but failed miserably.

Then the Janitor walked by and accidentally stepped on her, killing her instantly.

Chris lay there wounded. He had, with very little help, managed to save New York.

Suddenly Chris's sister walked up.

"I HELPED TOO! I DEFEATED THE RUSSIANS!" She said with anger, but was then taken away to a mental hospital for talking to the voices. Even if everyone could hear them.

A dramatic scene showed all of New York, a bloody battlefield where soldiers had done… stuff…

"Not… like… this…" Chris muttered and slapped his already damaged head into a health pack. He was healed through the wonders of gay marriage. This in turn made America legalize gay marriage. Then America made heterosexual marriages illegal and the entire population then popped.

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(summary)

Chris: He moved to London to work as a nose picker. Sadly, no one would allow him to pick their noses and he died a miserable and useless death.

Janitor that stepped on Isabella: He founded his own company known as the 'Janitorial Institute'. To this day, know one knows what the point of this company is.

Chris's sister: She was let out early for being good. Then she invented a freak that scarred the world into killing and/or slapping everyone that ever knew her. She managed to escape with this freak though, and they are currently hiding in a cave. The freak's name is joebthegreat. If you see him, shoot him.

ICP: They got rich due to Joeb's advertising and then used the money to set a bounty on Joeb's head.

Reel Big Fish: They got rich due to Joeb's advertising and used the money to buy some caviar. Now they're poor.

Everyone else: They died in this story.

* * *

YAY!

I liked it… SCREW YOU ALL!

Actually, thanks for reading… at least you know about this game where so many others don't.

We need to go out and advertise this game more… seriously… THEY NEED TO MAKE A SEQUEL SO I CAN MAKE FUN OF IT!

No views stated in the making of this story are necessarily mine… I always make fun of everything I can.

So if I was a more bigoted version of myself. I'd rant about racism and anti-Americanism and anti-Bush stuff and how gay marriage is a serious issue and how death isn't funny and how we shouldn't make fun of the French andwhatnot…

But I'm not a bigot… I'm just a sexy sonata.

R&REVIEW! Read and Risk Eating Victorious Incubating Elfin Worms


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